HUMOR COLLECTIONS

Try download google earth today!

A small BOY get it for nothing..

A young Man has to steal it.....

And old man has to pay for it......

Why?

Once a while a visiting very rich friend.The maid approached me and question....

"What would you like to have?
Fruit Juice,Soda,Tea,Chocolate,Cappucino,Frapucinno,or coffee??
Answer:TEA please....."


Question:"Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea,Herbal Tea,Bush Tea,Honey Bush
Tea,Iced Tea or Green Tea,Iced lemon tea,Chinese Tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon Tea."

Question : "How would you like it? Black or white?
Answer: "White."
Question: "Milk or fresh cream?
Answer: "With milk."
Question: "Goat's milk or cow's milk?"
Answer: "With cow's milk please."
Question: "Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: "Um.. I'll just take it black."
Question: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar.."
Question: "Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer: "Cane sugar."
Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer: "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water
instead."

Question: "Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?
Answer: "Mineral water."
Question: "Flavoured or non-flavoured?"
Answer: "I think I'll just die of thirst..."

Really Funny Pictures - Watch more amazing videos here

Leanardo Da Vinci painted his classic Mona Lisa(Above) in the early 1500s.
And below may give you some idea of the modernised mona lisa today.


Its look like typical emo/gothic/ mona lisa

Fashionable Mona Lisa

Mona Lisa And Jimmy Hendrix era

Did you hear about stupid ghost?
He climbed over walls..

Why did the stupid chicken climb over the glass wall?
To see what on the onther side...

"You're stupid.
How Dare you!

"Say you're sorry
"All RIGHT,im sorry stupid'


Whats the different between ignorance and apathy?
I dont know and i dont care.

VOLVO-Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

TOYOTA-Too Often Yanks Overpribe This Auto

SUBARU -Screw Up Beyond Repair Usually

ROLLS -ROYCE-Regarded Only As Luxury Life Style Runs Over Your Current Expenses

PORCHE-Proof Only Rich Suckers Can Have Everything.

MERCEDES-Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales.

MAZDA-Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along.

HYUNDAI -Hope You Understand Nothings Drivable Inexpensive

AUDI-Accelerates Under Demonic Influence OR

Always Unsafe Design Implemented

BMW-Born Moderately Wealthy

OR Break My Windows Or Bough My Wife

"Knock
",knock'
Who are there?
"Aardvark

Aardvark who?
..Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smile..."


What happened when the two candles fell in love?
They met their match...

Did you hear about the two blood cells who fell in love?
........They love in vein......


Did you hear about the ghost and the vampire who fell in love?
It was the first fright..

What did the one -eyed cyclops say to his girlfriend?
yOu are the one eye adore'There was a young lady named stella.Fell in love with bow legged fella.The venture some chap let her sit on his lap and she plummeted down to the cellar...

Stress point for you ....

"There are occasions when,confronted by brilliant idea or offered and eminently sensible recommendation,there is simply no other respond than 'Ha Ha Ha,That's a good one! 'This undermines someone who is quite probably an excellent worker already and will help take them to new levels of achievement."

What do you always get on your birthday?
Another year older.......


Why are birthday good for you?
The more you have,the longer you live........

When is the luke skywalker's birthday?
May the fourth (be with you)

"When is your birthday?'
The thirteen of september'


"Which year?
Every year

Did you hear about candle shop that BURN down?
........Everyone stood round singing 'Happy Birthday'

Some say....

"Age is question of mind over matter.If you dont mind it doesnt matter".


"Old age is always fifteen years older than i am...


'Age is somthing doesnt matter,unless you are a cheese"
..

"Growing old is most like a habit which a busy man has no time to form"

If you multiply 1089 x 9,you get 9801,Its reversed itself!This also workswith 10989 or 109989 or 1099989 and so on.............

Even though you will rarely be sick when you use a sick day,it is important to stimulate a genuine episode of illness.On Such a day,you would most likely wake up on the late side feeling terrible and sounding terrible.You would proceed to make the call as close as reasonably possible to starting time.A fake episode should tranpire no differently.If you feel one of those days coming on ,a moment of preperation the night before will be helpful.Even though you will be going right back to bed in the morning,set your alarm clock for a few minutes after starting time,say 8.45 a.m.Make a call immediately upon waking,thereby capturing the most disoriented,gravelly sounding you.(This can ce done from other people's homes or even other time zones if necessary.)

Most companies and government agencies have strange policy.Vacation days are yours for keeps.If you dont use them during the term of your employement,you're paid for them when you leave.Sick days,on the other hand,are fleeting.If you dont use them,they tend to disappear at the end of some preesablished period.In other words,your company is telling you to avoid vacations and get sick.The least you can do is oblige-except,of course,the part about avoiding vacations.

Japanese prank show -gone wild

This guy really cool!

1. Computer games tester-Someone has to make sure they work.
2. Professional Courier-Free travel ,usually no stress,depending ,of course,on the nature of what you're courieng.( Bald:organ to be transplanted:anything leaking)
3. Musician,Especially Heavy Metal-Sleep all day,rock all night.
4. Radiologist-Keeps bankers hours among usually workaholic physicians.
5. Toll Collector-No hard sell involved.Not much selection,either.
6. Major League Baseball Player-Average salary of $1 millionfor playing 'pastime'seven month of the year.Unless you're the pitcher,total time in motionper game is eight minutes.
7. Tenured Professor-Lectures a few classes,leaves drudgery of grading and actual teaching to gradute students.Cant be fired,so no need to publish.
8. Supreme Court Justice-Good pay;cant be fired.The ultimate sinecure.
9. Expert Witness-Tired of actually applying the professional skills he developed,gives an "oponion" or quick assessment in court regarding what he would have done.Typical fee:$500/hour.
10. Gigolo-Paid for something he would pretty much do anyway.
11. Golf Pro-But what do you do on vacation?
12. International Spy-one key strategic secret per year and you're done.Dont get caught,however.
13. Trashy TV talk-show host-Pick one line and repeat ad nauseum.Example-"Don't you realize what your're doin to your family and to youself?'
14. Paparazzo-One trip per month to Hyannis Port and You're golden.
15. Wine Taster-If only they let you swallow.

See what they say about humor...

Men always say the most important thing in a woman is a senseof humor.You know what that means?He is looking for someone to laugh at his jokes'

-Shiela Wenz-

Women claims that what they look for in a man is sense of humor,but i dont believed.Who do you want removing your bra tom sellect or three stoges?

-Bruce smirof-

Painted Buses - More amazing videos are a click away

Crazy Japanese Port-O-Potty Prank - Click here for this week’s top video clips

This is craziest japanese prank.They make up with something newer and weider.

Did you ever bump your head or break a wrist while you wee clowning around with friends?

What did u notice? While you laughing,it is HARD to feel PAIN!

All kinds wonderful things happen when laugh....

1. Your lung capasity expands,improving respiration and oxygen compsumtion.
2. Yor immune system is activated so you can better fight infection.Yor body releases more of protective T cells that fight virus cancer cells.
3. Endorphins-your body natural painkillers are realeased into ypur brain,decreasing stress.
4. Laughter not only reduces physical pain,It reduces mental pain!

When we laugh,we naturally feel more hopeful and optimistic.

When we laugh,we say to ourselves-and to the world I REFUSE TO SUFFER!

Laughter help us to survive grief and disappoinment.

There is funny side to almost every situation.We just have a look for it .

What else help? ......when we stop trying to be perfect!

When we stop trying to be perfect,we can laugh at ourselves-So we can laugh much more often..